If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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