I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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