broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
