he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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