The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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