We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
