I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
