sorry about calling you the devil all night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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