There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
