for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
