The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
