HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
