Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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