Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
