Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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