I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
