you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just pee around me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
