Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize