and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
