addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
