Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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