I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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