So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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