Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
