he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
