I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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