Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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