oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
