I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
