i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
