I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
