is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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