He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
