my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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