WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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