Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
