Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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