The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
