Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
