We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
