Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
