i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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