Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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