Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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