she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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