Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize