; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
