Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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