If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
