It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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