i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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