U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
as a side note pls kill me
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