While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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