4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
