Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
