dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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