i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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