overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We left the knife in your bed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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