it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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