I think I just saw someone hide a body.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
