You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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