She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize