Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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