She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
