My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
