The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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